Kind of like ratemyteachers.com...only not

Today, I'm going to rate my classes. Why? 'Cause I want to. Also, I can't really think of anything more interesting to blog about, and it's been more than a week since I blogged last. Any and all readers I might have had at one point in time will have dropped off by now, and I have complete freedom to say whatever I like. Heh.

Name: College Algebra - Local Community College
Teacher: Mrs. B
Grade: B
Comments: Let me share with you this amazing analogy which I figured out for math classes. Let's say you wanted to make a cake, Ok? So, you measure out the flour, sugar, eggs, and vanilla into a bowl; then, instead of mixing the ingredients together and sticking it in the oven, you turn around and measure the ingredients again, only this time for a cake double the size. Let's say you do this about six times, Ok? What do you think about this? All this measuring and just letting the ingredients just sit around is kind of pointless, yes? Maybe even useless? EXACTLY! MATH CLASSES ARE USELESS! You combine numbers, add, multiply, subtract, divide, and what do you have at the end? NUMBERS! There isn't a darned thing you can do with just numbers! Unless you're a statician. But then I wonder about your sanity anyways. "But, but, but..." you whine, "but, but you need it for science!" Then quit teaching kids that the grass is green every year, and instead teach them the math necessary to figure out how the earth goes around the sun during the time when you would be teaching them that the earth goes around the sun. Or that our environment is in deadly peril. You only need to teach it to us once. Oh, yes, the class itself. It's Ok. Mrs. B is reportedly pretty tough, but she's nothing I can't handle. I rather wish I'd had the opportunity to ask around though, as it would've been nice to have scored a teacher who didn't make you show all your work in a particular way. Yes, I realize that showing and doing your work is important. It would just be nice if she didn't require it.

Name: Grammar and Composition - The Potter's School*
Teacher: Mrs. T
Grade: B-
Comments: I wanted to take this class because of the grammar portion - I've never had a good class/textbook in intermediate/advanced grammar, so I pretty much do it all by ear. So I was kind of disappointed when all of the composition and at most of the grammar so far in this class has been below my skill level. I had expected the composition part, as I've always been really advanced for my age group in that area (as in taking college-level comp. classes my freshman year of high school), but I had been kind of hoping for advanced grammar. Not stuff I should have mastered by the end of eigth grade. Mrs. T. is an excellent teacher, however, and that makes up for quite a bit of the content disappointment - she comes up with relatively interesting assignments, and, for at least three out of the four assignments we've done so far, she's left the comp. subjects (mostly) up to us. We did have one "what I did over the summer" comp >.<>
*The Potter's School - the online school in which I take quite a few of my classes, referred to as "TPS" from now onwards.

Name: Shakespeare - TPS
Teacher: Mrs. Z
Grade: B
Comments: In this case, I like most of the class. The general questions prompt me to think about the literature in new ways, the creative assignments are great fun (even if they do go a little overboard in the "tell all" diary entries of famous characters - I would've loved to see a "tell all" diary of one of Lear's knights about Goneril's hospitality, instead of shuttling between Goneril, Cornwall, Edmund, and Kent/Cordelia), and none of my classmates have been uncivil to me. However, I would like more material in class about the literature. So it rates a B.

Name: Latin II - TPS
Teacher: Mr. S
Grade: A
Comments: Good class, good teacher. Personally, I liked him better as a Greek and Roman Literatures teacher, but then I liked Greek and Roman Literatures better than Latin anyways. The only problem I'm having with this class is myself. I'm starting to really question why I'm taking this class, and I'm not able to come up with any good answers. Sure, Latin is more interesting than a lot of other languages. But if I'm taking it for that, then I should be taking Greek. To me, Greek is a lot more interesting and poetic than Latin. It won't help me a great deal in a future medical career - I'm the queen of figuring out weird ways to connect and memorize things that you'd never have thought could be connected. It will help on the SAT, but I've already had a year of Latin. Wouldn't that be enough, if I were really worried about that? Because of this newfound loss of incentive, I'm starting to behave with apathy towards this class. Don't get me wrong - I'll pass. Mr. S has it set up to where I can grind the night before class, get through the class, take the quiz after class, and keep up reasonably good grades. Sure, I bet he'll spring something on us in the spring semester that will completely blow my well-laid plans out of the water, and expose my lack of studying, but if I keep up my grades during the first semester then I think I'll be able to get through without flunking out. This attitude, however, is not acceptable. I need to keep up a good grade in this class, even if it's just for my academic record. Also, I should be working my hardest in whatever I do. As I mentioned before, the root of my apathy lies, I believe, in the fact that I won't have anything to do with Latin after I get through the class - I won't have any use for the knowledge of this language. So what I need to do is set a goal to work towards, something that will interest me. Something that will make me actually remember my vocabulary. Translate the book of Hebrews or I John? Maybe. Maybe I'll try to translate a book of the Aeneid. Of course it will have to be something above my level, but that's what I'm best at. Working at something completely above my level, bringing myself up to that level, and excelling at it. I'll have to have a think on it.

Name: Anatomy and Physiology - TPS
Teacher: Mrs. W
Grade: A
Comments: I'm actually enjoying this class more than I expected. Mrs. W isn't what I would normally peg a "good teacher", but she's just one of those people who has a great excitement for a subject and, instead of making you want to run as far away as possible, drags you along with her until you're excited about it too. Even if it is the way the psuedostratified epithelial tissue in your bladder works. Psuedostratified epithelial tissue is exciting, darnit! She does take a lot of her test questions from outside the textbook, but that's Ok. That just encourages me to work my rear off and learn everything about the subject that I can. The textbook, when you look at all the outside resources, is a little insufficient anyways. I must admit that this has been the most enjoyable and interesting science class that I've taken in high school to date. For once I can actually put some of the information to use. Semi-use. Pulling on your skin and naming all the different layers is a use, right? The point, and this is what makes it different than Latin for me, is that I can see how everything works, and how this might be semi-useful for the average person. Semi-useful works for me--semi-useful is usually the most interesting.

Cliches, Part I

Today, while I was looking on the Discussion Board at Writer's Window (link at right), I found this hilarious site:

Stupid Plot Tricks

Some favorites from The Bad Guy:

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

51. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways, and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstances have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

109. I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and outlander accents shall regularly climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.

133. If I find my beautiful consort with access to my fortress has been associating with the hero, I'll have her executed. It's regrettable, but new consorts are easier to get than new fortresses, and maybe the next one will pay attention at the orientation meeting.

139. If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)

140. I will instruct my guards to look for the chamber pot when checking a cell that appears empty. If it's still there, the prisoner has escaped, and they may enter and search for clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it, or he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there's no point in entering.

142. If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep a three-year-old grandchild near me at all times. When the hero enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it's necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches into an explanation that's way over her head, that will be her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles. After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil Overlords, and it's important to spend
quality time with the grandkids.

151. I will not set myself up as a god. That perilous position is reserved for my trusted lieutenant.

177. If a scientist with a beautiful and unmarried daughter refuses to work for me, I will not hold her hostage. Instead, I will offer to pay for her future wedding and her children's college tuition.

178. If I have the hero cornered and am about to finish him off and he says "Look out behind you!!" I will not laugh and say "You don't expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?" Instead I will take a step to the side and half turn. That way I can still keep my weapon trained on the hero and scan the area behind me. If anything was heading for me, it will now be heading for him.

207. Employees will have conjugal visit trailers which they may use provided they call in a replacement and sign out on the timesheet. Anyone caught making out in a closet and leaving their station unmanned will be shot

220. If I have a single vulnerability, I will fake a different one -- for example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."

I'll post my favorites from the section for the hero in the next section. Meanwhile, go read it all (as it's all really hilarious). The Queen of Randomness comands you.